Just fell off a train. Bad.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
