Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I have feelings that need drinking.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
