I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We need a shit load of segways right now
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize