don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
