I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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