I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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