Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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