i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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