And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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