I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
