I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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