Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
