You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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