"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
