i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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