It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
