So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
