but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
