Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
