when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
