i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
