Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
