She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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