I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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