We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
