We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
