All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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