After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
