i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
