His apartment number was 69. I had to.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
