I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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