So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
