So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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