you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
