Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize