this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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