atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
