I want to walk on stilts...naked
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
