I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My ATM looks so different sober.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize