Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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