Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
