I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
