Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize