My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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