I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
