It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
