How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
