not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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