Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
