Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
