just come out here and I will go home with you...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
