You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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