did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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