I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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