How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i came on her dog
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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