i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
