the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
