i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
