I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
