I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
