Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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