The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize