Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
