ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
