hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize