yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
