What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
