You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
